masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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