He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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