i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
