I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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