Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
