does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
