The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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