8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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