also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
