So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
