Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
