I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
