i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
