I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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