I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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