Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
