And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
