dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
