I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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