She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
