Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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