ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
