Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
