Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
