so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
