Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
