god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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