lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
