Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
