Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Alive.
So much puke
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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