Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
