ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
