i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
