I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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