Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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