What did we do last night that was yellow?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
