Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Boobs speak an international language.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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