i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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