i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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