Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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