I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's paint friendship bongs
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dick has a subreddit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
