Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
