Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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