i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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