no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i out mim tonsoeep
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
