We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize