Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want to make out with him forever
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
