we have pet lesbian snakes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
