I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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