If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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