One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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