it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
