your parents love me but you hate me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
