I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
