Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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