...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
