You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
