Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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