I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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