I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
