How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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