Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
