i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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