and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we should paint friendship bongs
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