They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
