Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
