I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just found puke in my bra..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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