dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
