I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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