never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
